Taking Time for Change


Recently, I’ve gone through a period of feeling overwhelmed in life. Not depressed. No, I’d compare it to feeling like a small green pea in a big pot of vegetable stew. Small, while trying to stay afloat……

After helping my father with his wife’s memorial service in Arizona, I planned to catch a plane back to St. Louis where an estate sale was in process, selling off many of my home’s objects together with a long list of life’s memories.  Unfortunately, I was a day late getting back due to weather delays and missed connections. When time was of the essence, I ended up spending a total of 19 hours in the small airport of Grand Junction, Colorado. Finally, a day later, my plane was diverted to Denver, where I grabbed a quick nap from 3-5 am before catching a non-stop flight to my original destination.

Upon arriving, there was barely time to say “Goodbye” to the home I loved so much. Quickly, I walked through my turret office space, where blog posts were tapped on keys of black. I strolled into the periwinkle nursery where I remembered gently placing my very first grand-baby in her spindled crib, as though she was a porcelain doll. Images of magical tea parties danced in my head together with giggles, dress up play, and story book time.

Afterward, I stepped outside onto the red brick pavers of my patio where fingers traced petals of crunchy golden sunflowers. Looking around, I began to collect a few, forgotten colored clay pots leftover from my garden. Suddenly, a brown sugar doe leaped from the woods. Sighing, my heart knew it was God’s last gift to me….at least at this house, in this time.

It’s been three weeks since I’ve moved to my new house, and I’m mostly settled now. For whatever reason, my body and mind felt spent when all was said and done. In moves past, I worked until everything was completely in place, typically within a few days to a week. Not this time. I was tired. I let things go. My mind said, “No.”

I’m happy in my new home. There is lots of room for my grand-babies to stay for as long as they like. Nearby, there is a beautiful lake surrounded by woods and walking trails with lots of nature. In fact, it’s a nature preserve where I see something new each and every day. A different plant, the sound of a bird’s call or the beauty of a new sunrise.

Best of all, my overwhelming feeling is beginning to lift. I guess I didn’t drown in that pot of vegetable stew after all.

 

The Chicken or the Egg?


Words in my head are written from my heart.  Do you believe me?  What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Letters of A-B-C and beyond are pushed down ever-so-slightly on computer keys.  Simultaneously, magic appears on a flat screen of stark white.  Oblong and lit from within.  It’s bright, trimmed in silver with a tiny camera of perfect round embedded in the top middle.  Often, I cover it with a yellow sticky note.  Just to be safe.

I’m totally convinced that my heart sends words up, up, up toward my brain.  Often my feelings are nearly tangible, as though I can reach inside to touch them far before the brain begins to wonder if or when they’re coming….

Perhaps my mind discovers topics or arranges words into proper sentences before they stare back at me from the bright light of white.  Yes, it checks spelling and grammar and whispers in my ear if something doesn’t sound quite right when read aloud.

Still, it is my heart that engulfs all emotion before the mind drafts a single word upon a paper page.

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