Memories of Missing and Loving…..

The earliest memory of my mother ironically is of missing her. Like I do today. She was and is away. As a child of four, I wasn’t able to reason, or understand why. I couldn’t even try.

A tiny house of six hundred square feet in pale pink. I remember the kitchen having black speckles on the floor and there was a polished white sink. Frilly curtains of sheer at the window above. Two bedrooms, I think. My little brother and I shared a room so small our fingers touched from one bed of maple lacquer to the next.

It was Christmas morning, and Mother was not there. She was in the hospital cradling a new baby sister who was born on the Eve before. Snapshots are in my mind of sitting in warm flannel near a perfect tree decorated delightfully. Full and bright in colored lights, it brushed the whole of the room. Presents galore. A galloping black rocking horse on red springs for my brother, plus a Chatty Cathy doll dressed in a blue cotton dress for me. She was like magic! Pull a ring of plastic white and she talked to me. Yes, really talked to me! Daddy and Grandpa were there too, but no Mommy to see.

My mother was a wonderful mother. Not a perfect mother but she did her very best. She raised five children, one who nearly died at birth, and struggled thereafter. Mother coped silently with severe anxiety and depression, yet pushed through to better herself personally and professionally. In spite of only a tenth-grade education, she surpassed every goal she ever set for herself and was probably the hardest working woman I ever knew. She was beautiful and creative, kind to others and loved all people.

That was then, this is now. Mother’s Day is nearly upon us. Yet, today the same feeling of missing my mother is still deep inside of me…almost tangible. It’s as if I’m a child of four kneeling at the foot of the Christmas tree whose mother is away again. Except this time, I’m all grown up. She’s not coming back. The painful perception of abandonment. For whatever reason perhaps this feeling has never left me?

The rocking horse under the Christmas tree has jumped from his springs of red to ride out to pastures of green where my mother rests in peace today. Chatty Cathy hopped upon his saddle to perhaps watch over her. Pull a string behind her neck to hear three sweet words never to forget,“I Love You.”

Happy Mother’s Day

*Dedicated to all mothers, particularly those who suffer from depression, anxiety or any other mental and dad

*Mother and Father. My favorite picture of them, circa early 1970’s

Advice for Caregivers: How to Know if Your Senior Loved One is Depressed – By Jim Vogel facts to know about Depression in Seniors written by, Jim Vogel at the Kindness Blog.

Kindness Blog

Depression is an illness affecting the body, mood, thoughts, sleep, and more. While we may think that it is normal for seniors to feel the blues, it is not.

Depression is a mental health issue that should be diagnosed and treated in seniors, just as it is for younger people. Because depression affects approximately seven million Americans age 65 and older, it is critical that caregivers know the signs and symptoms of depression in the elderly and get their senior loved ones the help they deserve.

Certain Groups of Seniors are at a Higher Risk of Being Depressed

Depression in seniors often goes unrecognized or mistaken for another condition. But, caregivers are in a better position of being able to know if their senior loved one is depressed if they know which seniors are at a higher risk of being depressed.

If your loved one resides in the hospital, receives…

View original post 666 more words

An Infoblog about Depression for Teens…(by a Guest Blogger)

As one who has lived with depression, this is a most important post. Depression is a Chronic Condition that needs to be recognized as such. Talk to your loved ones, listen to them and let them know you support them no matter what. Be prepared to get professional help when needed and don’t let a single minute go by without reaching out. Never give up!

Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog


In this article I am aiming to give you knowledge about depression. I will be giving an overview to it and going over information that I think is important. If you would like to read more about depression and in-depth, I have a website, Depression for Teens, which you can access by clicking here. I post on it regularly and the article content is very detailed.

What Is Depression?

It is an illness. It can happen to anyone at any time and it should be treated ASAP. The best way to overcome and beat depression is through medical attention. You may think that you will get through depression without medical attention but in many cases you won’t. If you leave it for too long can become life threatening.

What Does Depression Feel Like Compared To Sadness?

When you are sad it tends to be temporary. When you…

View original post 821 more words

An Aura of History

Just prior to Thanksgiving, my husband and I stopped at the famous and historic Omni Grove Park Inn,  A Historic hotel of the Arts and Crafts Movement, the Grove Park Inn was built in 1913 atop a spectacular site among the Blue Ridge Mountains.

Even before entering the lobby of the Grove Park Inn, I knew spectacular awaited me. Double doors were thick and heavy, made of natural wood surely harvested from trees of nearby woods.  The doors were tall, massive in height and opened by pressing down on original levered hardware made of bronzed brass.

Stepping onto slate tile floors of the grand lobby was like being whisked back into time. Soaring ceilings above were decorated in boughs of holly with impressive, wrought iron chandeliers swinging to and fro filled with mistletoe. To the right was an enormous fireplace at least 36 feet wide made completely of stone. A roaring fire sang a song in flames of blue and gold. And, directly in front of me, a wall of windows where postcard views greeted eyes of old and new. Outside, there were tiers of terraces to sit and chat, sip a bit and make new friends or relax to gaze at all anew.

Taking a brief walk to the out of doors, I sat on a stone ledge, closing my eyes at the beauty before me. Gently, two lids at a time, I stopped to breathe the air. Not subconsciously but knowingly. First through my nose then through my mouth. Parted, purposely sucking it in. Air from the sky and all that surrounded me. Fresh, deep into my lungs, right there I held my breath. This new air inside of me was held with tight lips for as long as I could. My lungs expanded as though underwater until finally I was forced to exhale all within.

Different scents were discovered along paths of each tiered terrace as we climbed the steps. Scratch and sniff. Dip your nose to smell them now. Lingering essences similar to holiday gifts of bottled bath candles. Pine, firewood, warm cocoa, cool air, and fresh greenery.  Feelings were hidden there too. When my eyes were closed, there was no doubt they were spiritual in nature. Land of green that hadn’t been touched in years and years reached to grab a gloved hand if only for a second or two.

Oh, how I would have loved to stay there for a while if even if only in my dreams. To get lost in God’s natural beauty, the glory of the mountains together with all of its surroundings. I imagined writing among the peacefulness while listening to sounds of trickling water from nearby streams together with the rustling of leftover leaves. The humming of birds perched among the barren bark of trees. “I must come back one day,” I silently thought to myself.

Back inside, there was a sixth sense about this hotel, a belonging I felt deep inside my bones. Although I knew nothing about it or had never been there before, an aura followed me wherever I went. Down through long abandoned halls, out more patio doors and into the fencing of dipped rose gardens now withered in drab colors.

Entering another wing of the hotel we came upon an unexpected display of history and artifacts. My husband and friends continued on but I was enthralled, mesmerized if you will by the scene before me.  F. Scott Fitzgerald had not only stayed at this hotel, but lived in rooms 441 and 443 for approximately two years, coming there to write after the enormous success of his novel, The Great Gatsby.

Fitzgerald’s interest was peaked by the divine beauty of the Inn’s location.  He was depressed at the time and wanted to find an uplifting place to write his next novel while taking care of his mentally ill wife, Zelda. The Inn seemed to call his name.  Zelda was transferred to an institution nearby where he could visit her often. However, soon Fitzgerald became even more depressed, drank heavily and eventually moved to Hollywood to become a screen writer where he died of a heart attack three years afterward. His poor wife Zelda, died in a fire at the Asheville hospital a year later.

Although the Grove Park Inn did not have a happy ending for F. Scott Fitzgerald, I prefer to think of how he must have felt as he entered those massive wooden doors for the very first time. Excited and full of hope at the possibility of a new beginning. He was inspired to write among beautiful scenery like no other in all of this world.

Things might be different for Fitzgerald had he lived today. The chronic conditions of depression and mental illness can be treated through a variety of ways and there is help for those who seek it. Seeing F. Scott Fitzgerald’s belongings and touching the nameplates on the doors of rooms 441 and 443, left me with a longing and a connection to him like never before.

I hope to go back to the Grove Park Inn one day. Perhaps I won’t write the great American novel there, but I will remember F. Scott Fitzgerald together with his greatness as well as his struggles. He was human after all. No different than any of us. Regardless, his greatness will never be forgotten.

I close my eyes of two to imagine the good times Fitzgerald spent at the Grove Park Inn, long ago. The beauty of the scenery together with his wonderful words. That in itself is a gift to me.


Don’t Be SAD

Moods.  Often changing depending on seasons.  Sunlight.  Darkness.  Morning.  Evening.  I’ve noticed this lately.  Intuition signals sweat to form tiny beads on the back of my neck.  Little hairs begin to prickle.  I see changes in actions while hearing words with tones sounding different than only a few months before……

Seasonal Affective Disorder.  It’s real.  A Chronic Condition that affects more people than I ever imagined.  It’s a true form of depression many haven’t heard of or even know exist.  Once simply called the Winter Blues, it’s probably been around since the beginning of time.  Like a broken arm, migraines or the flu.

Approximately fifty years ago, a proper diagnosis was made and a name given to a form of depression that seemed to be triggered by specific seasons of the year.  More woman are affected than men who live in states or countries that have less light.  Yes, people feel blue, but it is more than that.  They are truly SAD.

Most who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder notice a curtain closing upon their mood during the darkening days of fall, not lifting until the lighter days of spring.   Still others notice changes in their mood during the fresh scent of spring, lasting through the end of summer’s sun.

SAD is real and it does exist!  If you don’t suffer from it, I guarantee that someone you greet on the street, bump in shop, or pass at work probably does.  They may be good at hiding it, or worse yet, do not even realize they are living with it.  How SAD is that???

Please support me today by being a good friend tomorrow.  Hold a hand and spread my words to help others understand that Seasonal Effective Disorder is a true condition that can be treated.  There is no shame in being depressed.  Education is the key.  Talk about it.

Only a physician can properly diagnose someone with Seasonal Affective Disorder.  If you or someone you know is feeling depressed over a period of time without feeling better, seek treatment.

Some Symptoms of Winter SAD



*Feeling tired or having low energy

*Hypersensitivity to rejection

*Problems getting along with others



*Increased appetite/Craving carbohydrates or foods high in fat or sugar

*Wanting or needing excess sleep

*Decreased sex drive

*Weight gain

*Increased alcohol consumption

*Difficulty in concentration


Spring and Summer SAD



*Weight Loss



  • Talk therapy
  • Light therapy
  • Proper Diet
  • Exercise
  • Medication
  • A Combination of the Above