Unsettling Intuition


How beautiful the world was in my little space and place of open land yesterday!  Over 60 degrees, yet it felt warmer as the sun shined brightly from a “Something Borrowed” bridle blue sky.  Not a sound in the forest beyond the edge of my leaf covered yard except for a slight hammering.  A red-headed wood pecker was seen high in a tall limbed tree.  Very close-by.

Last week, a dark pall began to fall over me.  Much like a shroud over my head, it was hard for me to view streaks of light through clouds of darkness.   I wondered, was it the time of year or perhaps the weather?  My writing took twists and turns, finally veering off to take a sudden fork in the road.  I had a sense of intuition about me that I couldn’t put my finger on.  So unsettling it was that I focused doubly hard on remaining positive with my words.

This past weekend, I learned of the death of one of my cousins who was very close in age to me.   Tragically, he was found by his older sister a week ago today.  As a child, I remember our families coming together for great big holidays.  We shared roasted turkey legs at Thanksgiving, rang twinkling silver bells for Santa Clause, and chased each other through my grandmother’s beloved scented rose garden.  In my early twenties, my cousin used to ride his prized motor cycle up from lower Michigan to visit my family in Bay City, always stopping by with a great big smile.  Sometimes, one or more of my sisters were ready to hop on the back of his bike for a quick ride around our small town before he drove off, freely into the sunset.

Last Monday, was the very day I began to feel an uneasiness about me.  The exact day my intuition became unsettling.  My family, although truly blessed has been struck by several different Chronic Conditions.  Many of my posts are filled with references to them since I began writing here on WordPress.  My cousin’s sweet mother was one of my father’s three older sisters who was diagnosed with a very rare neuromuscular disorder at the peak of her young motherhood.  A magical saint, I wrote of her in a post entitled, The Memory Journal http://wp.me/p41md8-pF.  Her son suffered from a different malady.  It hardly seems important now.  He struggled, he had demons and yet  he tried so very hard to conquer them.  He was on his way…

My heart truly breaks for the surviving matriarch of my cousin’s family.  His only sister who must once again shuffle through yellowed papers while picking up pieces from a grey file cabinet only recently shut tight in order to say, “Good-by.”  How she bears all things I do not know.  In the last  few years she has buried her mother and her youngest brother together with her father.  Now, she takes on the burden of losing another sibling.  I pray for God to give  her the strength she needs in the coming days and weeks together in the years ahead.

Bless you dear cousin.  No more struggles.  No more fighting.  No more inner pain or demons tearing you apart.  Your family holds you warm and close together with God in Heaven.  Rest in peace for all eternity.

IMG_6721gods-blessing

 

 

28 thoughts on “Unsettling Intuition

  1. A sad post to read, your family certainly has had its fair share of sorrow.
    Somewhere, somehow, serenity must shine on you all, you beautiful have memories to cherish,
    and that at least, is one Blessing that you have been Blessed with.
    I wish you much Love and Happiness.
    Ian

    Liked by 1 person

    • Difficult to write, yet my way to say, “Good-by.” Thank you, Ian, for your support of comforting words. Always a ‘smile’ from you to lift my spirits, helping me realize the importance of memories yet again. 🙂

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  2. Kim, I’m so sorry your time with your cousin has been cut short on this side of heaven. Your post is sad yet hope-filled at the same time. What a lovely person you are to be focused on the pain and needs of others.

    Blessings of peace for you and your relatives as you all grieve ~ Wendy ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your kind words that bring me peace, Wendy. Such a long time since I have seen my cousin, yet memories of all of us as children are like ‘yesterday.’ My heart is full of pain for the only sister and brother he leaves behind who have gone through so much heartbreak in such a short, short time. We were very close as kids, one huge happy family of crazy cousins, too many to count! Treasures forever. Bless you.

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  3. A sadness beautifully expressed, Kim. My heart goes out to you and your family. I had the same feeling in the two weeks leading up to the death of my uncle last month. Whatever one calls it – sixth sense or intuition – there’s no mistaking that something is amiss. Take care. xx

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    • An awful feeling, isn’t it? Typically, I do have an ‘intuition’ of sorts. Simple things like reading the likes of people or knowing what’s going to happen in a book or movie. This was different…all week long. My sympathy to you and your family concerning the passing of your dear uncle…never easy. Thank you for your blessings.

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  4. I am sorry for your loss Kim. It must hurt you so much losing a childhood buddy/family member.
    Your cousin sounds like a very strong person and I have no doubt that in this time she will soldier on once more with the love and support of her family.
    Many blessings to you.

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  5. Dear Sweet Kim, I’d so sorry about the loss of yet another member of the family. No wonder sometimes you seem a little lower than usual. No doubt at all he’s at peace now and probably reunited with the loved ones who went before him. My heart goes out to you and to the surviving sister.
    I send Massive Hugs xxx

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    • Thank you, David for such sweet sentiments to lift my spirit. Climbing up it seems, yet others have it much, much worse than I could ever begin to wallow in. I have no doubt my cousin is in Heaven filled with love and joy, reunited as you say. His father. who only recently passed before him was a Lutheran minister. I’m sure he had a seat picked out especially for him. It only hurts for us here on Earth who are selfish in our wish for loved ones to stay. Bless You.

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    • Ellie, many thanks to you for this kind and generous honor. Truly, this is such a “Lovely” award. I never know how to answer this politically correct, so please do not take offense. However, having already accepted this award, I do not think it’s fair of me to accept it twice. I understand that there are some other bloggers that do accept awards many times over, but I don’t feel comfortable in doing so. Please understand that I do not wish to hurt your feelings in any way, Ellie. There are so many terrific writers out there that I wish to pass the award on to someone else you so admire. With love and tremendous thanks to you for thinking of me, Ellie. Blessings to you. Also, a very BIG congratulations to you, Ellie, for winning this lovely award. So well deserved, as you are such a lovely blogger!

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