High Hopes for the Future


It’s been a month since I’ve made the trip downtown to see my good doctor.  He is the one who has been treating my throat for a weakened vocal cord, known as Paresis.  Nearly a year ago, it came to be following an upper respiratory illness.  After recuperating, I was left with this.  I made reference to it in a post I wrote called, “Croaked,” https://kimgosselinblog.com/2013/12/30/croaked/.

My good doctor finally diagnosed me last December.  He taught me the rigors of vocal therapy.  We worked together in his office.  When not there, I worked at home.  A great amount of time was spent practicing my sounds, learning to breathe from my diaphragm, pushing my voice to the limit nearly each and every day since January.  A small price to pay to speak again in a world where one’s voice is their message in a bottle.

Together, my doctor and  I viewed new pictures taken of my vocal cords a month ago.  They were much improved from others we had seen, last December.  My throat felt well again.   I was speaking better too, stronger and clearer.  My next appointment was made for the following month.  In the interim, I would continue my therapy as usual.

Living with a chronic illness takes a good and compliant patient.  Never-the-less, I couldn’t help but experiment a bit.  I was tired of practicing my sounds for nearly hours each and every day.  What would happen if I took a break?  Would my throat begin to regress?  Did I have to practice my prescribed vocal exercises forever?  Was I truly living with a Chronic Condition?

Only a few days passed of my “experiment,” before my throat began to feel sore.  It hurt.  I coughed at night.  It felt scratchy during the day.  My voice sounded a bit rough.  When I spoke, it became weak and raspy.  If I talked on my cell phone, I could feel myself working to overcompensate for what was not naturally there.  In the end I croaked.

Immediately, I started my vocal exercises in a room where no one could hear me.  My voice was already weakened.  Taking my decibel meter with me, I struggled to reach numbers near the top.  How disappointing it was for me.  It had only been a few days; a week at the most.  Would I have to do exercises for the rest of my life?  If so, I could live with that.  I simply wanted to know.

Yesterday, when I met with my doctor we looked eye to eye.  Without saying a word we both knew it was time.  Out of his pocket the white flag flew.  We had done all we could.  We had tried our best.  From where I had begun to where I am now, it is remarkable.  Still, I am not quite where I want to be.   Without exercising forever, I may never be.  It is not failure from a clinical standpoint.  My doctor has done the most wonderful job and done it well.  I am the one who hopes to put what is left of, “Humpty Dumpty” back together again.

Soon I will get an injection in my throat to plump up my weakened vocal cord.  It is not something I am looking forward to.  Still, it is another option.  When I am through, I will not have to exercise my vocal cords any more. I will be cured, no longer living with a “chronic condition.”  How lucky I am for this great miracle in life!

I am not sorry I worked so hard at vocal therapy.  It was an option I had to try.  I know I did everything I could.  I tried my best.  My good doctor too.  In cases similar to mine, vocal therapy is a cure for most patients.   I am an “exception,” I guess.  Such is life.  I wish to thank my good doctor for his time and patience.  We worked together well.  We tried our very best.

High hopes for the future.  On to the next.

Open mouth

14 thoughts on “High Hopes for the Future

  1. Whatever your throat may have sounded but your words sound loud. They take the reader to your world. Every effort you make will give you something. Life’s just like that.

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  2. Wishing you well with your injection, not nice! but you tried and gave it your best.. I hope that the injections work for you… I had bad laryngitides once upon a time for 3 days, and not being able to express yourself via speech is frustrating…. So good luck with your future treatment
    Sue xox

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    • Ah, Alisa, to have a whole world of friends who make comments like you!! 🙂 Think of me afterward, when I must not utter a peep. That is when I will REALLY need God’s help!!

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  3. gosh – what a bummer that this happened – and good for you for trying the exercises (and trying an drying – 😉 )
    anyhow, hope the host goes well – and just curious – did your singing voice get impacted by all those exercises?

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